There are some things that I wrote while in South Africa that I have excluded from this blog. Now, for some reason I feel compelled to share them. Maybe because what I thought would be my future has been delayed or in fact changed course all together. Regardless, I really enjoy reading how God opened my heart in an intimate way during that time. I never imagined me going to volunteer would result in a soul make over from the depths of my heart to my outer appearance.
Written Aug 16, 2007
The Untouchables
Sometimes she wonders about him.
She wonders if he weren't untouchable would she still want to know him.
If he were standing at her door holding out his hand,
would she slip her hand into his and take a walk and talk for hours...
OR would she decide that he isn't for her after all.
Maybe the whole time she is thinking of him as the untouchable,
She's really the one he is unable to touch.
inspired by the following scripture:
Gen 2:18
God said, "Its not good for the Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion."
AND
1 John 3:20
For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.
September 9, 2007
The Idea
I fell in love?
I was in love with splashing through puddles with you. I was in love with the steady stares received by others as we enter a room hand in hand as you led me to the dance floor. I was in love with the way you would spin me as if I was the only girl in your world. Others would say it's not fair how we laughed together. It appeared we were a perfect fit. Each of us in love with the features the other had to offer. The charade we played so well was not evident to our own minds. Although we were in sync to the naked eye the invisible force lying within us continued to collide. I can't help but wonder if you ever loved me just for who I was then again I ask myself the same question of you. And each time the pain comes back I try not to blame you and I shouldn't because I never gave you a chance. You were not invited to see me or be a lover of my soul. For, my dear friend, I was never in love with you. The idea of what you offered was the only thing that I fell for. And as you fall 'in love' over and over I hope that you find the Key before failing again.
**********************************************************************************************
Waiting on an Angel by Ben Harper
Waiting on an angel
one to carry me home
hope you come to see me soon
cause I don't want to go alone
I don't wanna go alone
Now angel won't you come by me
angel hear my plea
take my hand lift me up
so that I can fly with thee
so that I can fly with thee
And I'm waiting on an angel
and I know it won't be long
to find myself in a resting place
in my angel's arms
in my angel's arms
So speak kind to a stranger
cause you'll never know
it just might be an angel come
knockin' at your door
knockin' at your door
And I'm waiting on an angel
and I know it won't be long
to find myself in a resting place
in my angel's arms
in my angel's arms
Waiting on an angel
one to carry me home
hope you come to see me soon
cause I don't wanna go alone
I don't wanna go alone
don't wanna go
I don't wanna go alone
Written Sept 28, 2007
I want out (the only reason i include this is because i think its funny how God changed my heart in two days from being so fed up and wanting to run away to Him bringing me a refreshing new perspective that only HE could take me away and controlled ALL of this which led me to 'Bright Eyes')
I want out. I want out of what I thought was something it's not. I want to take back all the conversations, the compliments, the favors. I want to be erased from all interaction. I'm not sure how or if this is possible…especially since I want out but I don't want my exit to even be known and honestly, I don't think it'll be noticed…i was never really noticed in the first place. There are no hard feelings but for some reason I don't feel like it's as easy as not talking ever again. For some reason I feel like I owe my friendship. Really? I already have lots of good friends. I don't really have room for another friend so the friendship thing probably wouldn't work either. So, I guess I'll just chalk this up to a huge miscommunication and will be glad to chat if we bump into each other at starbucks or show up at the same show at my favorite hang out. But please, let's keep it brief…a hello will be enough…anything more may be too much and cause me to lose my lunch.
Written Sept 30, 2007
Bright Eyes
He carries himself with ease.
Style, hair and dance moves all a work of art.
His existence screams creativity.
With his contagious smile he encourages others.
He is oblivious to the strength he owns.
The soulish strength is held hostage by a misleading ache
The reflection in his bright eyes reveals an ocean of depth that only she can relate
Yet fear keeps his feet anchored in his own deceptions.
She knows what he doesn’t and waits for him
For each piercing glance of his bright eyes sends lightning through her veins
An intense electricity that only God can create.
inspired by Song of Songs 2:14
"O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
In the secret place of the steep pathway,
Let me see your form,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your form is lovely."
Written Oct 26, 2007
healthy heart but...
She's got a healthy heart but she needs an operation.
There's something wrong.
Something that causes it to hurt and there seems to be no resolution.
Is surgery even an option?
Could a scalpel even touch the depth in which he is embedded?
Her constant prayers plead for a new heart.
One with no sign of him so she can go on living without him in every picture her eyes take.
Even her spiritual surgeon refuses to operate.
She's forced to sit and wait.
Knowing time will take her heart to the highest peak and drop it into the deepest ocean.
As it falls…shock, joy, adventure, love, new, life, fear, excitement will replace the ache in her.
Her only chance at survival with this heart is living in the certainty of her dreams.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
PS
i have lots to write...Dublin, tragedy, heart ache, rejection, despair. i'm working on it...i promise. to catch you up via blogs was part of my plan for getting out of town but all i could do on my getaway was be still (literally). i didn't hardly move at my destination due to physical, emotional and spiritual exhaustion. stay tuned.
'til i can crank out a good 'un listen to this.
I have a new hobby. It's traveling alone. I can't believe that I haven't ever vacationed by myself since I love being alone but I did it this past weekend. I may never travel with someone again (ok, that's extreme). Anyway, I've been at the end of my rope...a dead end mind you. Asking God for a way out of what He has revealed to me. Kinda like my best friend Jesus did but me not so selflessly...i'm just tired of the pain and trials. I recommend this sermon to everyone that has been saturated in sorrow and felt like dying. You're not alone.
Pray Like Jesus: The Gethsemane Prayer
Pray Like Jesus: The Gethsemane Prayer
Friday, May 29, 2009
i quit.
i quit. yesterday the weight was so heavy and the darkness so thick i quit. i told God i would no longer pray or even consider what He has told me of my future that i have known for years. it's too ridiculous and too painful. and there is NOTHING. NOT. ONE. THING. i can do.
i just accidentally came across this in an email (while looking for work related info, crazy) that was sent to me last September by an angel...my angel. i have referenced darkness several times in the past 48 hours. i don't know...what is going to happen from here but i sure am glad to read this and maybe it will help you.
love you all.
z
Self-Deliverance
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman
Monday, September 29 2008
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil" (Proverbs 3:5-7).
Oswald Chambers advises, "Whenever God gives a vision to a saint, he puts the saint in the shadow of His hand, as it were, and the saint's duty is to be still and listen... When God gives a vision and darkness follows, waiting on God will bring you into accordance with the vision He has given if you await His timing. Otherwise, you try to do away with the supernatural in God's undertakings.
Never try to help God fulfill His word."*
In the book of Proverbs, Solomon warns us not to rely on our own fallible wisdom while trying to do God's perfect will. God wants us to wait for His deliverance. His means of bringing us to spiritual maturity requires us to wait on His deliverance through adversity so that we will be able to discern the difference between our own self-deliverance and God's authentic deliverance in our lives.
It's a paradox but it's true: God often calls us to a ministry - then He deliberately thwarts our efforts to achieve our goals! We see it in the life of Moses. In obedience to God, Moses told Pharaoh, "Let my people go!" How did Pharaoh respond? He said, "Who is the Lord that I should obey him and let Israel go? I do not know the Lord and I will not let Israel go." Again and again, Moses returned and demanded freedom for his people. Again and again, Pharaoh refused.
God sent plague after plague upon the Egyptians. In response, Pharaoh hardened his heart and persecuted Moses and the people of Israel. So Moses complained to God, "You called me to go to Pharaoh, but You are not freeing the people!" Moses grew discouraged because God had called him to fulfill a vision - a dream of liberation for his people - and the vision seemed to die.
But God was teaching Moses and the people of Israel to persevere, to obey, and to wait upon the Lord in patient trust for God's perfect time for deliverance.
i just accidentally came across this in an email (while looking for work related info, crazy) that was sent to me last September by an angel...my angel. i have referenced darkness several times in the past 48 hours. i don't know...what is going to happen from here but i sure am glad to read this and maybe it will help you.
love you all.
z
Self-Deliverance
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman
Monday, September 29 2008
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil" (Proverbs 3:5-7).
Oswald Chambers advises, "Whenever God gives a vision to a saint, he puts the saint in the shadow of His hand, as it were, and the saint's duty is to be still and listen... When God gives a vision and darkness follows, waiting on God will bring you into accordance with the vision He has given if you await His timing. Otherwise, you try to do away with the supernatural in God's undertakings.
Never try to help God fulfill His word."*
In the book of Proverbs, Solomon warns us not to rely on our own fallible wisdom while trying to do God's perfect will. God wants us to wait for His deliverance. His means of bringing us to spiritual maturity requires us to wait on His deliverance through adversity so that we will be able to discern the difference between our own self-deliverance and God's authentic deliverance in our lives.
It's a paradox but it's true: God often calls us to a ministry - then He deliberately thwarts our efforts to achieve our goals! We see it in the life of Moses. In obedience to God, Moses told Pharaoh, "Let my people go!" How did Pharaoh respond? He said, "Who is the Lord that I should obey him and let Israel go? I do not know the Lord and I will not let Israel go." Again and again, Moses returned and demanded freedom for his people. Again and again, Pharaoh refused.
God sent plague after plague upon the Egyptians. In response, Pharaoh hardened his heart and persecuted Moses and the people of Israel. So Moses complained to God, "You called me to go to Pharaoh, but You are not freeing the people!" Moses grew discouraged because God had called him to fulfill a vision - a dream of liberation for his people - and the vision seemed to die.
But God was teaching Moses and the people of Israel to persevere, to obey, and to wait upon the Lord in patient trust for God's perfect time for deliverance.
Friday, March 27, 2009
flashback
my day has been full of a little bit of everything...joy! at one point i thought to myself how there oughtta be a law against how awesome my life can be sometimes and then sadness...when i get overwhelmed with strife in my life and those that are a part of my heart. even in the severe sadness i feel so blessed and would never want to give up. it hasn't always been this way.
i had a flashback just now and sometimes i believe these are truly providential to remind me of His sovereignty in my life. i remembered a time when i didn't want to live one more day. i seriously was disgusted by my own existence. i remembered a close friend asking me what i wanted to do for my 27th birthday to which i replied 'i hope i don't see 27.'
i'm thankful for the grace and mercy i have been shown. that i have seen 27, 28, 29 and 30. these past three years i have been the most painful but the absolutely most joyful years of my life. i finally learned to laugh...really laugh and cry...really cry. i can't believe this is my life. though He is still working on me. i am reminded about my self-centeredness when i have a special someone that is suffering physical pain each and everyday. they say they're thankful for it when i keep saying i wish it would go away it's holding us back. to which they respond that it's taught them how to live life on a different level with new eyes. "i've never seen life like this before and it is a blessing."
the pain that held me hostage in a whiskey glass at age 26 made me want to die. that pain was nothing compared to today. but now only because of Jesus i am sustained day in and day out to endure the pain of a fallen world but with a hope bigger than this entire green and blue globe because i know one day my mourning will turn into to dancing...and never turn back. forever and ever and ever dancing amen.
Romans 8:18-21
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the GLORY that will be revealed IN us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in HOPE that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the GLORIUS FREEDOM of the children of God.
i had a flashback just now and sometimes i believe these are truly providential to remind me of His sovereignty in my life. i remembered a time when i didn't want to live one more day. i seriously was disgusted by my own existence. i remembered a close friend asking me what i wanted to do for my 27th birthday to which i replied 'i hope i don't see 27.'
i'm thankful for the grace and mercy i have been shown. that i have seen 27, 28, 29 and 30. these past three years i have been the most painful but the absolutely most joyful years of my life. i finally learned to laugh...really laugh and cry...really cry. i can't believe this is my life. though He is still working on me. i am reminded about my self-centeredness when i have a special someone that is suffering physical pain each and everyday. they say they're thankful for it when i keep saying i wish it would go away it's holding us back. to which they respond that it's taught them how to live life on a different level with new eyes. "i've never seen life like this before and it is a blessing."
the pain that held me hostage in a whiskey glass at age 26 made me want to die. that pain was nothing compared to today. but now only because of Jesus i am sustained day in and day out to endure the pain of a fallen world but with a hope bigger than this entire green and blue globe because i know one day my mourning will turn into to dancing...and never turn back. forever and ever and ever dancing amen.
Romans 8:18-21
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the GLORY that will be revealed IN us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in HOPE that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the GLORIUS FREEDOM of the children of God.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Dublin, Ireland
I can't really explain it. But like most everything in my life this opportunity came out of left field. You have all read about how God said NO to me returning to South Africa not 1 but 3 times in the past 9 months. I tell ya, it has been painful being rejected over and over again but I have continued to seek Him with everything in me. It's all I really know how to do as I have lived the life of a rebel before and never EVER want to go back there again.
I love the church I attend. I have enjoyed getting involved and being a part of a group that is just as thirsty as I am. When the interest meeting came about for a trip to Dublin, Ireland I rejected 3 invitations to attend. I didn't think that God wanted me to leave the country. I thought that I was waiting for a green light from Him to return to South Africa. And although my heart is made for missions I was closed to the idea of joining the Ireland team.
I had an interesting couple of weeks after that. One being a week of some pretty significant sadness. I didn't know where it had came from. The sadness caused me to question everything that I thought God was doing in my life. EVERYTHING. I was very low and felt that my life was one of no purpose at all and empty. I gave everything back to Him asking Him to reveal why He would get my attention with such a feeling of heavy sorrow. I expressed to God in the midst of this that I had felt I lost my path to South Africa. I vividly remember saying "missions isn't even a part of my life anymore."
My closest friends really reached out to me. They were perplexed by my struggle and could only pray that I would find my way out. The following week was my birthday. I was so angry at the timing of my sorrow since I have always been very excited about celebrating my entrance into this world. Thankfully I was slowly coming out of it the closer my birthday approached. I was doing all that could to help others, pray for others and do for others as to not focus on myself in hopes of finding some inspiration.
I called to chat with a friend the night before my birthday. She plays a significant role in the Ireland trip my church is taking. She has been on of the main encouragers in regard to my involvement in the trip. We chatted briefly about recent events in our lives and then she shared a little about the direction God is taking her. She then went into saying that she thought I should seriously consider going on the trip to Ireland. It was like a swift swat to the back of my head when God said to me "You have never been open to another destination. I need you to be open to Ireland." I was shocked. I never wanted to be open to Ireland even though the main goal of a mission trip to Ireland is the SAME goal I have for my own life: The Kingdom.
I responded carefully as I didn't want to jump on an opportunity for the sake of feeling saved from my sadness to focus on a trip to a foreign land. I asked my friend to pray for me as I seek God and what His purpose would be for me in this trip. I was so afraid of rejection and getting my heart crushed once again by the abrupt slam of the door in my face. But I OPENED my heart to it and begin to pray about Ireland. I spoke with the Missions Director the next day and asked her to pray for me. I was apprehensive still about just jumping on the band wagon to go on a mission trip. She told me that she had 1 space left open for rooms and could make my flight arrangements the following week as well as the first meeting would be the following Sunday. I told her that I would pray about it until Sunday and let her know.
I didn't advertise my consideration of this trip to anyone but the people that have committed to pray with and for me on a daily basis. I didn't want any other voices but God's to be heard in my head. Everytime I began to pray about Ireland I would get excited about how God would use me. My past being drowned in whiskey is something that rather common in their country. How I could sit and talk with others for hours and relate to how they feel now but then tell them how they COULD feel with Jesus in their life. I prayed for tangible signs. The first one was having an unexpected conversation with my supervisor on a temporary production job I have. I didn't plan on telling her right away that I was considering the trip but it happened and she immediately said that there would be no problem with my absence during that time. To be honest I NEVER thought she would respond that way...it was so effortless to confirm my time off it was almost funny to me as much as I stressed about it when first considering the trip. But no...no one sent me large amounts of money. Oh, I asked...I said "God, you got the bank...send me check." Well, He hasn't sent it just yet. But the words of my uncle who is a pastor was what put me over the edge for Ireland. He said, "Zana, He has already said Go!...just Go! until He says No!"
And so, I have committed to the trip. I feel really good about it and I am excited about getting to know members of the church better through serving with them. God has a very special plan for this trip. I can feel it...The closer it gets the more I feel confident that this is what He wants for me at this time in my life.
Once I have more information about details of our time in Ireland, I'll let you know. Again, since I have been so negligent of my blog I don't even know if my ol' followers still take a looksie. I know I talked to one of them on the phone today. She is a true inspiration as she has opened her heart to the work God is doing in her life. It's very exciting that God has nurtured our relationship initially through my blog and now via email. I am so thankful for her transparency in how He is moving in her life.
Please pray for our team of 12 as we travel to Dublin, Ireland. We will leave on May 16th and return May 24th. I have to be honest....I can't believe it. I get to go on a mission trip. This is the strangest life I have ever known.
I love the church I attend. I have enjoyed getting involved and being a part of a group that is just as thirsty as I am. When the interest meeting came about for a trip to Dublin, Ireland I rejected 3 invitations to attend. I didn't think that God wanted me to leave the country. I thought that I was waiting for a green light from Him to return to South Africa. And although my heart is made for missions I was closed to the idea of joining the Ireland team.
I had an interesting couple of weeks after that. One being a week of some pretty significant sadness. I didn't know where it had came from. The sadness caused me to question everything that I thought God was doing in my life. EVERYTHING. I was very low and felt that my life was one of no purpose at all and empty. I gave everything back to Him asking Him to reveal why He would get my attention with such a feeling of heavy sorrow. I expressed to God in the midst of this that I had felt I lost my path to South Africa. I vividly remember saying "missions isn't even a part of my life anymore."
My closest friends really reached out to me. They were perplexed by my struggle and could only pray that I would find my way out. The following week was my birthday. I was so angry at the timing of my sorrow since I have always been very excited about celebrating my entrance into this world. Thankfully I was slowly coming out of it the closer my birthday approached. I was doing all that could to help others, pray for others and do for others as to not focus on myself in hopes of finding some inspiration.
I called to chat with a friend the night before my birthday. She plays a significant role in the Ireland trip my church is taking. She has been on of the main encouragers in regard to my involvement in the trip. We chatted briefly about recent events in our lives and then she shared a little about the direction God is taking her. She then went into saying that she thought I should seriously consider going on the trip to Ireland. It was like a swift swat to the back of my head when God said to me "You have never been open to another destination. I need you to be open to Ireland." I was shocked. I never wanted to be open to Ireland even though the main goal of a mission trip to Ireland is the SAME goal I have for my own life: The Kingdom.
I responded carefully as I didn't want to jump on an opportunity for the sake of feeling saved from my sadness to focus on a trip to a foreign land. I asked my friend to pray for me as I seek God and what His purpose would be for me in this trip. I was so afraid of rejection and getting my heart crushed once again by the abrupt slam of the door in my face. But I OPENED my heart to it and begin to pray about Ireland. I spoke with the Missions Director the next day and asked her to pray for me. I was apprehensive still about just jumping on the band wagon to go on a mission trip. She told me that she had 1 space left open for rooms and could make my flight arrangements the following week as well as the first meeting would be the following Sunday. I told her that I would pray about it until Sunday and let her know.
I didn't advertise my consideration of this trip to anyone but the people that have committed to pray with and for me on a daily basis. I didn't want any other voices but God's to be heard in my head. Everytime I began to pray about Ireland I would get excited about how God would use me. My past being drowned in whiskey is something that rather common in their country. How I could sit and talk with others for hours and relate to how they feel now but then tell them how they COULD feel with Jesus in their life. I prayed for tangible signs. The first one was having an unexpected conversation with my supervisor on a temporary production job I have. I didn't plan on telling her right away that I was considering the trip but it happened and she immediately said that there would be no problem with my absence during that time. To be honest I NEVER thought she would respond that way...it was so effortless to confirm my time off it was almost funny to me as much as I stressed about it when first considering the trip. But no...no one sent me large amounts of money. Oh, I asked...I said "God, you got the bank...send me check." Well, He hasn't sent it just yet. But the words of my uncle who is a pastor was what put me over the edge for Ireland. He said, "Zana, He has already said Go!...just Go! until He says No!"
And so, I have committed to the trip. I feel really good about it and I am excited about getting to know members of the church better through serving with them. God has a very special plan for this trip. I can feel it...The closer it gets the more I feel confident that this is what He wants for me at this time in my life.
Once I have more information about details of our time in Ireland, I'll let you know. Again, since I have been so negligent of my blog I don't even know if my ol' followers still take a looksie. I know I talked to one of them on the phone today. She is a true inspiration as she has opened her heart to the work God is doing in her life. It's very exciting that God has nurtured our relationship initially through my blog and now via email. I am so thankful for her transparency in how He is moving in her life.
Please pray for our team of 12 as we travel to Dublin, Ireland. We will leave on May 16th and return May 24th. I have to be honest....I can't believe it. I get to go on a mission trip. This is the strangest life I have ever known.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Jehovah Jireh
story time. so i just got home and i've been up since 530am to deal with car issues and had one heck of a day and all i want to do is shut my eyes but I HAD TO SHARE...(and my stories are long sorry)
so some of you may know that i have driven around in the heat of Nashville for 2.5 yrs withOUT an AC in my car. it's been pretty gross and almost dangerous at times. anyhow, my mother has been on me about tradin it in because well there are 'other' blemishes my car has that actually caused my dad to say when he got in my car to ride to christmas dinner and i quote "this car looks like someone's that drinks"...(he's special). anyway, i love my car and DID NOT want to trade it in unless they would let me trade out the back window that has my South Africa bumper sticker on it. anyhow, been praying about it for a week now...looking to trade...while i'm praying my car decides to pick up the nasty habit of smoking this weekend. i was pissed. esp at God because i was like "i'm praying about my car already...why do you let it smoke???" i drove 3 hrs to bama and 3 hrs back to TN yesterday without EVER looking under the hood. (i know i'm brilliant). I flung the hood open when i got home last night...the dang cap on my motor disappeared and oil was E'ERYWHERE!!! i couldn't figure out how this happened. i had my oil changed like 1.5 months ago...it was the strangest thing. well, you can't drive a car without oil so to the best of my ability in the dark i poured some more oil in my car and stuck a rag in the hole to get her to the shop.
i take it to a place where my friend suggests off Thompson Lane. i tell the man my freakish disappearing incident and about the ac just to see what he would come back with....he gave me a GREAT rate to fix the AC and i said go for it...and throw in some windshield wipers (the rubber had come off of both of mine...ha). he called me back at 2 and said it was ready but then said...you want a new windshield? (it was cracked all the way across since the first time i tried to wash my car after i bought it...another ridiculous story) i said do you do that? he said yes. i said do you do a good job? to which he laughed and said yes the guy up the street does it but we can bill you for it too. wally told me what my total would be including the windshield - $775. i said look wally...i only have $700 (by 'i' i mean my sugar daddy chase and i pulled this figure outta my...) if you can do it within that (this total included tax) i'll take a windshield. he called me back and said yes...we'll make it happen for you.
so i got a my car fixed after 2.5 years at a very cheap rate compared to estimates in the past by being FORCED to go to the shop....
THE KICKER: i had just got off the phone with my friend telling her how i'm excited but i had to charge it and i didn't like that at all (God has convicted me of my credit card debt and i have paid off TWO cards in the last year and only have ONE more to go)...we both agreed that we were thankful for the repairs and it would be worth it since God has given me jobs to pay for it with.
i hang up. i get another call...it's about my tax return to which i had forgotten ALL about...guess how much i'm getting back...$781! Either way...GOD had me covered. Can you believe that?
i got my car fixed for FREEEEEEEE!!!! (kinda) and all i had to do was pray...how bout them apples?
Jehovah Jireh, my friends, and don't you forget it!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
so some of you may know that i have driven around in the heat of Nashville for 2.5 yrs withOUT an AC in my car. it's been pretty gross and almost dangerous at times. anyhow, my mother has been on me about tradin it in because well there are 'other' blemishes my car has that actually caused my dad to say when he got in my car to ride to christmas dinner and i quote "this car looks like someone's that drinks"...(he's special). anyway, i love my car and DID NOT want to trade it in unless they would let me trade out the back window that has my South Africa bumper sticker on it. anyhow, been praying about it for a week now...looking to trade...while i'm praying my car decides to pick up the nasty habit of smoking this weekend. i was pissed. esp at God because i was like "i'm praying about my car already...why do you let it smoke???" i drove 3 hrs to bama and 3 hrs back to TN yesterday without EVER looking under the hood. (i know i'm brilliant). I flung the hood open when i got home last night...the dang cap on my motor disappeared and oil was E'ERYWHERE!!! i couldn't figure out how this happened. i had my oil changed like 1.5 months ago...it was the strangest thing. well, you can't drive a car without oil so to the best of my ability in the dark i poured some more oil in my car and stuck a rag in the hole to get her to the shop.
i take it to a place where my friend suggests off Thompson Lane. i tell the man my freakish disappearing incident and about the ac just to see what he would come back with....he gave me a GREAT rate to fix the AC and i said go for it...and throw in some windshield wipers (the rubber had come off of both of mine...ha). he called me back at 2 and said it was ready but then said...you want a new windshield? (it was cracked all the way across since the first time i tried to wash my car after i bought it...another ridiculous story) i said do you do that? he said yes. i said do you do a good job? to which he laughed and said yes the guy up the street does it but we can bill you for it too. wally told me what my total would be including the windshield - $775. i said look wally...i only have $700 (by 'i' i mean my sugar daddy chase and i pulled this figure outta my...) if you can do it within that (this total included tax) i'll take a windshield. he called me back and said yes...we'll make it happen for you.
so i got a my car fixed after 2.5 years at a very cheap rate compared to estimates in the past by being FORCED to go to the shop....
THE KICKER: i had just got off the phone with my friend telling her how i'm excited but i had to charge it and i didn't like that at all (God has convicted me of my credit card debt and i have paid off TWO cards in the last year and only have ONE more to go)...we both agreed that we were thankful for the repairs and it would be worth it since God has given me jobs to pay for it with.
i hang up. i get another call...it's about my tax return to which i had forgotten ALL about...guess how much i'm getting back...$781! Either way...GOD had me covered. Can you believe that?
i got my car fixed for FREEEEEEEE!!!! (kinda) and all i had to do was pray...how bout them apples?
Jehovah Jireh, my friends, and don't you forget it!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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